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Just me.

You take victory when it arrives

Posted on 2005.01.06 at 13:20
So, for those who didn't follow this journal last year -- because, well, most of you had never heard of me -- I had a gastric bypass last March. I was... large. What the jokes would call "Oh my god, he's coming right at us." And I was dying -- sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but the end was near.

I've lost a lot of weight since then, and I'm still losing. I now climb flights of stairs for daily exercise, when before I had to take an elevator to go one floor, for example. But there was one area I was still terrified in.

Frankly, ice scares the hell out of me.

When I was at my top weight, slipping and falling on the ice was horrible. First, there was the fall itself -- a jarring impact that caused every joint to hurt and scared me on the way down that I'd break many, many bones. But that was just the start. You see, after that, I had to get back up.

And, if I fell where there was nothing to brace on, I couldn't.

I literally couldn't go from lying on the ground to standing up. I could get my legs under me, but they then couldn't dead-lift me back into standing position. So I'd have to either get help, or crawl to a tree or staircase or something.

It was humiliating. I remember once, last winter... I fell in the middle of the quad, on a snowy day. There was hidden ice, you see. It was the beginning of winter break, so there was no one on campus right then. And I couldn't stand. Finally, I started the long crawl across the quad back to the academic building so I could get up.

A teacher -- a nice guy -- saw me, realized something was wrong, and ran out to help me. And that was great of him, and excruciatingly embarrassing. I was helpless. I felt worthless. I felt like Darwin was standing over me, waiting with his chainsaw and smirking. I didn't deserve to live.

Well. That was then. I've lost over a hundred and twenty pounds since then. I now climb stairs willingly.

But I'm still scared to death of the ice.

Today it's snowing, and it was freezing rain before. And I was walking -- you guessed it -- across the quad. There were students everywhere, though. Which would actually be worse, if you think about it.

Naturally, I fell.

The first thing I thought as I hit the ground was oh Shit!

The second thing I thought, about a second later, was wait... that didn't hurt.

It didn't. At all. So, I shifted position, got my legs under me, thought "well, I guess we find out now, don't we?"

And stood.

I didn't strain. I didn't fight. I just popped right up, picked up the bag I'd been carrying, and kept on my way.

As I got close to the school, a student fell in front of me. I helped him up, asking if he was all right.

"I'm fine," he said, grinning and shaking his head. "Just embarrassed."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "I did the same thing a couple of minutes ago."

Take that, Darwin.

Toto Dies - Nellie McKay - Get Away from Me


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Doc Blue
bluelang at 2005-01-06 15:22 (UTC) (Link)
undauntra at 2005-01-06 15:29 (UTC) (Link)
Bah, I knew you back then. Congratulations, hon - and don't forget that some of us value you for reasons other than Websnark.
demiurgent at 2005-01-06 16:03 (UTC) (Link)
I never, ever forget that, good Lady Undaunta.

After all, there's also In Nomine ;).
freakfest at 2005-01-06 15:29 (UTC) (Link)
*hugs you tight tight tight* Love you sweetie, and I'm so proud of you.
pvenables at 2005-01-06 15:36 (UTC) (Link)
That's awesome. It's quite an accomplishment to lose so much weight and take control of your body again.

cpip at 2005-01-06 15:36 (UTC) (Link)
Congratulations, man.
edg at 2005-01-06 15:42 (UTC) (Link)
Congratulations, and good for you. I'm glad you're still with us, and will hopefully continue to be for a long time.
magentamom at 2005-01-06 15:52 (UTC) (Link)
That is awesome! Congratulations!

I was so happy for you a year ago, but I'm even happier for you today. I love that you've made such a turn around in your life. Hugs.
slog at 2005-01-06 15:55 (UTC) (Link)
oh man, that totally made me tear up. I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!
I'm Mister Cellophane
aberranteyes at 2005-01-06 15:57 (UTC) (Link)
Coolness, man!
火花人 理沙
canaa at 2005-01-06 16:00 (UTC) (Link)
[hugs!] Congrats, Whistling. :) It's absolutely wonderful to hear how much better you're doing.
ursulav at 2005-01-06 16:14 (UTC) (Link)

Although I confess, I'm average-with-minor-pudge and I STILL fear falling on ice. I hate the sickening OHGODDOWNWEGO lurch, the smack, the take-stock-of-anatomical-intactitude. I can't imagine what it'd be like to have all that and more, and I'm very glad you've done so well!
cinnabari at 2005-01-06 16:19 (UTC) (Link)
Happy for you... and proud of you.
The Goddess of Perk
dansr at 2005-01-06 16:20 (UTC) (Link)
Just in case you don't know this yet, You ROCK!

I am so incredibly proud of you, and honoured to call you Kin.

And, like some others here, I teared up when I read your post. I'm really proud of you, m'dear. ::HUGS::
ivan23 at 2005-01-06 16:21 (UTC) (Link)
What a great story. Congratulations, man. You did it.
bodhranplayer at 2005-01-06 16:21 (UTC) (Link)
Way to go man!
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